Saturday, January 31, 2009

Intro to Me 102

I am a mother of a beautiful lil boy (not just saying that...he really does light up any room) I'm GREEN ( not to an extreme, but I'm working on it) I've been in love and still don't know what it really means (or doesnt mean)My family is screwed up, but strong, I reminice and almost always bring myself to tears, remembering usually makes me cry. I don't know if that means I have too many sad memories or that I just can't remember the good ones. I'm obsessed with France and everything that has to do with it ( when I was a preteen, I would save nething that was written in French, instructions and all) I can be somewhat possesive over my friends, Appreciation means A LOT to me, but I don't always show it when I should. I like to do things that make me feel important. Making sure I give back to the community service and volunteer means a lot to me. I procrastinate horribly (probably need therapy) I'm usually always running late, I've SURVIVED ALOT for my age, I yearn to be open and completely undone with someone, but I fear judgement (prob. moreso rejection) so much that I cant, I just graduated college in Dec. of 08 and I have no idea what my life is supposed to be like, but I'm definitely not content yet. I hate feeling like I'm settling, I usually feel like I need immediate satisfaction (hence my shopping habbit/problem, even when I'm dead broke and have to pay bills. Ugggghhhhh

Intro to Me

Okay so I'm new at this blogging thing. I swore I was a writer, but um...when I have to actually conceptualize and spit out my own real thoughts about my own real life...it seems to pose a somewhat difficult problem for me. So here goes, I guess I'll let it all out.......................

I started seeing a therapist two weeks ago. Apparently I'm severly depressed. Okay, that's fine, but I won't take meds...you probably think I'm depressed AND stupidly stubborn, but I just refuse to take medicines for depression that make me more depressed. Now, I'm a talker so one hour to try and figure out all of my different qualms isn't nearly enough time for me to feel any where near vented (hence this blog), so I guess I'll let this serve as the other half of my treatment. I think it'll be kinda okay...None of you probably know who I am so I really can say what's really on my mind and get it all out. I hope people can comment bc it would be nice to know that I' m not alone when it comes to being a functioning neurotic. You know how people always say that they wish they could speak their mind? Well that's exactly what I intend to do. I'm going to share my life story with the world....somewhat. I think this will be okay. I can just write and write. Alot of people may not say it, but I really think that almost all people wish they could share every part of themselves with someone....anyone. But they may fear judgement ( even me. At first I put "everyone fears judgement" but changed it to "they may" bc I feared being thought of as a person who just "knows" their opinion is a fact...bc I'm really not...even tho I don't even know you...) ANYway, they may fear judgment against what they say, feel, act upon or think. I'm really going to try and let my guard completely down and put it all out there...what's the worst that could happen............